Fat Cow.

When I began this blog, I had high expectations of upbeat stories of adventures I had been on or funny anecdotes to tell. The reality is, the whole past year has basically been one fat slob fest for me. I’m starting to liken myself to a potato.

I’m now what one would call “between jobs” …again. I decided that the travel industry just wasn’t quite doing it for me anymore. The vibe got me turning that frown upside down, so I began my favorite hobby of job searching. Does anybody else have a similar hobby? I also enjoy logging on to Rightmove and giving myself a pretend budget of £500k to buy a posh house. Sometimes I’ll even go to London to ‘rent’ extortionately expensive apartments no bigger than my maternity pants. This isn’t even Lockdown-induced behavior, by the way.

My newest employment within an Electric and Plumbers company local to me has the hours any mum could only dream of. Every week the SAME three shifts. Tues, Weds, Thurs.. from 9am-3pm. A dream literally made to fit around the school run. Yes, my daughter will become a part of school society again as I unashamedly got on the phone with them as soon as I got offered the job. I’ve had numerous jobs, but this felt a step in the right direction. I can now work and run my university course alongside it, giving me the whole weekend to nag, cry, and moan to my other half to my heart’s content.

I’m currently having the issue that I’ve got to actually get off my arse? No, really, it’s presently a genuine problem. I’ve fallen victim to lazy parenting, lazy tidying, cooking, and cleaning, and now I can rarely be arsed to even fart. I used to punish myself for sitting and relaxing, it never felt right, and now I can’t get enough! I’ve watched all these programs basically non-stop for the last three weeks—all of which I HIGHLY recommend.

  • The Office (UK)
  • RuPaul’s drag race ALL 160 episodes of.
  • ITV’s “The Bay”
  • the Crown. (Man, that’s long)

I’ve also fully immersed myself into podcasts whilst cleaning (well, attempting to) but one I must mention is ‘Morbid’ which basically is quite self explanatory and I would recommend if you enjoy light hearted true crime and Ghost stories. The girls who do this podcast have me actually LOLLING out loud.

I do wonder when all this madness will end but I wonder more if we will suddenly miss the isolation lifestyle?

FINAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY

Today, I was putting some washing away and realized that I no longer have a t-shirt drawer? I have two pyjama and “loungewear” drawers? I honestly can’t remember the day that this happened but it felt like a pinnacle moment of my life. Another pinnacle was that I IRONED, yes IRONED three sets of flannel pyjamas yesterday? Please judge because I sure am.

Balls deep into 2021

I’ll start by congratulating us all to getting beyond 2020. Things can only go up from here right?! The year we just left behind can literally go and take its head for a shit. We’ve lost loved ones, jobs, money and our sanity but we are all still here to fight another day..and another lockdown. Cheers again Bozza.

I’m interested to hear how you spent your New years eve? My partner and I decided we would throw it right back to the noughties and get high because, well, ya know, 2020… unfortunately, getting high on a small about of cannabis is NOT the same now as it was 10 plus years ago. We both stood outside at 12oclock puffing away on the saddest looking excuse of a Billy bifta you ever did see, seeing the new year in with a glazy-eyed clink of our pop bottles only to fall asleep drooling on the sofa. Not quite how I imagined it but never mind.

Anyway..

I feel I can look back and reflect on the time I spent in my own head during 2020. Through all the shit the year threw at us all, I honestly feel I’ve “found” myself (whatever that means). I know what I want now and the things I like and don’t like. I took a bit of time out to get to know me! There were, of course, a few wobbles on the way to this magical light bulb moment. One funny realisation is that I actually hate working with the general public, which is hilarious. That is literally all I bang on about on my CV. Making out I love talking to customers and making them happy… I actually don’t. I love to help people, but I don’t think it’s by selling them a holiday to the Canaries. I want to truly HELP people. People, who feel lost? People who need a bit of guidance. People like me.

I’m aiming high guys. I’ve gone all in and signed up to a Open University course studying Psychology. The course is 4 years long which is usually on average two employment lengths for me so its kinda a big deal but im determined! Something feels right about this path, something I’ve never quite felt before? I’m 32 years old and I may finally know what I want to do in life!

THE LAPTOPS OUT READY FOR ACTION!

So im talking all the talk but will I walk the walk? Well thats the age old question of somebody with impulsive tendencies. This could be one of the many many MANY things I’ve obsessed over in the past, invested all my thought into and spent time and money organising.. only for it to vaporise into thin air one day when I get “bored”

I’m not sure this time though ya know, I’ve got a good feeling about this one.

Wishing you all a Happy, prosperous and safe New year.

Happy groundhog day!

On Saturday the 21st of March I went to work like everybody else who works Travel/Retail/Any other customer service type role. “Right then, what arseholes am I going to have to deal with today” you know the attitude. That one that when you started the job you couldn’t wait to get stuck in making dreams come true , and now, a couple of years down the line the phrase “I’m just wanting to go somewhere hot, not sure where but it needs to be cheap” makes your face contort the same way it would  if somebody were to come up to you and expel a fart in your vicinity.

Don’t get me wrong, my job is different every day and the team I work with well, there fucking awesome but little did I know that day when I finished my shift at 3pm that it would be the last time I saw the place until…well who knows right? In hindsight, if I were to relive that day knowing what I know now I would have rode horseback William Wallace style through town shouting about freedom and drinking gin. Not clock watching waiting to go home.. Which is where I’ve been ever since.

Life’s challenges have changed somewhat. At the beginning I could not believe my luck! No work?! Time at home to catch up on housework and maybe even re wallpaper the huge fireplace shaped empty patch on the living room wall where my other half thought it would be a great idea to move the room round a little? This is kind of exciting! And then I remembered that I was a parent, to a 4 year old. A 4 year old with sass.

It started well. The daily itinerary went like this –

  • A rude awakening at approx. 7am from Child where I promise I’ll be up in one minute if she plays nicely in her room.
  • Joe Wicks workout promptly at 9am
  • Snack
  • Spellings and numbers.
  • Snack
  • Crafty fun
  • Snack
  • Lunch
  • Dog Walk for the allotted 1 hour time frame.
  • “Quiet time” (with snack) most popular choice for freetime was the tablet where I learnt that horrid Henry really is a Horrid little shit.
  • Daddy gets home resulting in very over excitable and giddy child before bed.
  • Tea
  • Bed for child, 1 sly cigarette and gin and tonic at the bottom of the garden for me.

New Daily itinerary

  • A rude awakening at approx. 7am from Child where I promise I’ll be up in one minute if she plays nicely in her room. (28 minutes later, I’m still scrolling through Facebook with one eye open)
  •  “Quiet time” with breakfast in bed.
  • Snack
  • Argue with Child about the amount of outfits she has already worn in the hour we have been awake. Child will now only reply to the name Elsa.
  • Snack
  • Tidy up Elsa’s bedroom, hide the clothes.
  • Lunch
  • Dog walk to any location that child can run freely so I don’t have to look after  worry too much.
  • Stare at Wall where the wallpapering never got done whilst eating snack.
  • Daddy comes home and mentions I might like to take up running?
  • Tea
  • Bed for Child, 16 cigarettes openly smoked near the back door so other half can see that I’m stressed and two Jager bombs.

And just for those wondering, which your probably not, The roll of wallpaper still sits behind the door.