On Saturday the 21st of March I went to work like everybody else who works Travel/Retail/Any other customer service type role. “Right then, what arseholes am I going to have to deal with today” you know the attitude. That one that when you started the job you couldn’t wait to get stuck in making dreams come true , and now, a couple of years down the line the phrase “I’m just wanting to go somewhere hot, not sure where but it needs to be cheap” makes your face contort the same way it would if somebody were to come up to you and expel a fart in your vicinity.
Don’t get me wrong, my job is different every day and the team I work with well, there fucking awesome but little did I know that day when I finished my shift at 3pm that it would be the last time I saw the place until…well who knows right? In hindsight, if I were to relive that day knowing what I know now I would have rode horseback William Wallace style through town shouting about freedom and drinking gin. Not clock watching waiting to go home.. Which is where I’ve been ever since.
Life’s challenges have changed somewhat. At the beginning I could not believe my luck! No work?! Time at home to catch up on housework and maybe even re wallpaper the huge fireplace shaped empty patch on the living room wall where my other half thought it would be a great idea to move the room round a little? This is kind of exciting! And then I remembered that I was a parent, to a 4 year old. A 4 year old with sass.
It started well. The daily itinerary went like this –
- A rude awakening at approx. 7am from Child where I promise I’ll be up in one minute if she plays nicely in her room.
- Joe Wicks workout promptly at 9am
- Spellings and numbers.
- Crafty fun
- Dog Walk for the allotted 1 hour time frame.
- “Quiet time” (with snack) most popular choice for freetime was the tablet where I learnt that horrid Henry really is a Horrid little shit.
- Daddy gets home resulting in very over excitable and giddy child before bed.
- Bed for child, 1 sly cigarette and gin and tonic at the bottom of the garden for me.
New Daily itinerary
- A rude awakening at approx. 7am from Child where I promise I’ll be up in one minute if she plays nicely in her room. (28 minutes later, I’m still scrolling through Facebook with one eye open)
- “Quiet time” with breakfast in bed.
- Argue with Child about the amount of outfits she has already worn in the hour we have been awake. Child will now only reply to the name Elsa.
- Tidy up Elsa’s bedroom, hide the clothes.
- Dog walk to any location that child can run freely so I don’t have to
look afterworry too much.
- Stare at Wall where the wallpapering never got done whilst eating snack.
- Daddy comes home and mentions I might like to take up running?
- Bed for Child, 16 cigarettes openly smoked near the back door so other half can see that I’m stressed and two Jager bombs.
And just for those wondering, which your probably not, The roll of wallpaper still sits behind the door.